World's Okayest Mom

I love where I live…the schools, parks, shops, restaurants, trails, our church; it’s a wonderful place to live and raise my child. Can you hear the “but” coming? But, there is a downside. I have found that perfectionism is pervasive and I have struggled with my own insecurities when faced with such perfection. We can all describe the perfect mom…her meals are always home cooked, her children beautifully dressed, coifed, and well behaved. She actually MAKES the crafts she has pinned on Pinterest. She never loses her cool and everywhere she goes, she arrives on time. That’s a lot of pressure for a single mom who is perpetually late and at best makes 5 out of 7 dinners a week!

While I was at the Hearts At Home 2014 conference, I attended a workshop called “Successful Parenting or Faithful Parenting”, and the presenter, LeslieLeyland Fields, started by having us describe the perfect mom and then shared how she started out striving to be the perfect mom and after several years was ready to give up, seriously just walk away from her life. She challenged us to “lay down the impossible mother-load of guilt, pride, failure, and fear” and helped us debunk some parenting myths like successful parenting will lead to Godly children and that nurturing your children will always feel natural. She reminded us that even though Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it,” that Proverbs is not an instructional manual or a promise but rather observations on life. And striving for perfection doesn’t mean that my kiddo will turn out perfect or that I will impart lasting faith in her. If anything, I could really mess up His plans for her! Leslie reminded us of Ezekial 2:5 when the Lord said to Ezekial, “…whether they listen or not… they will know that a prophet has been among them.” I need to live my life knowing God’s love and out of that love, love my child. I don’t need to be perfect but it’s hard when in the face of seeming perfection.

Leslie’s workshop reminded me about a blog post I read last year called Quit Pointing Your Avocado At Me in which the blogger, Glennon Melton, shares her struggles competing with perfect mommies before realizing that the mompetition is in her mind and “Everybody's just doing the best she can, mostly.” My insecurities are my own and my perceptions of others’ perfection are my own too. Most of us are familiar with the adage, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Glennon adds, “Including you.” I don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. The mom who coordinates her daughter’s hairbows to match each day may be hiding depression. The mom who brags hourly about her sons on facebook may have struggled with infertility. The family happily playing together at the park may be overwhelmed with debt.

Leslie, Glennon, and all of the amazing speakers at Hearts At Home 2014 reminded me that I am who I am supposed to be. I shouldn’t try to be perfect and in fact, when I show up late and messy and imperfect, I give others around me permission to do the same. I am showing up to my life in a wonderfully imperfect way and each day I am trying to be authentic and genuine and love my daughter…and sometimes my voice will raise or bath night will be pushed another day or homework will be forgotten and that’s ok. I thought I had to be the best, most perfect mom to have a happy kid but it turns out I just have to be the okayest.

By Sarah Kirkpatrick