Thank
you Julie for inviting me here today to share my story. Because of
your willingness to include me over a year ago in the Women's
Retreat, I am here today to tell this tale. Thank you for your notes
of encouragement, prayers, nourishment, and the gift of One
Thousand Gifts. You fill me,
Woman.
Last
year, I turned 40. If you're a woman, you know what this means . . .
mammogram time. My first mammogram was scheduled the first week of
Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Because of suspicious findings, they
immediately sent me for a sonogram. The results concluded a breast
excision was in order. This is where they put the breast in question
in the mammogram machine and then thread a wire into the breast to
the mass. From there, they take you into surgery. What is
interesting to note is that I never had any lumps. I had night
sweats, but just assumed this was due to the possible onset of early
menopause. Sorry, I know you've just eaten, but one night I did wake
to nipple discharge which I now know is a symptom of breast cancer.
In
the meantime, I had e-mailed Julie Ford regarding my interest in the
Women's Retreat. I didn't know anyone who was going, but it sounded
like an experience I didn't want to miss out on. After a few
exchanged e-mails, Julie invited me to help plan the Women's Retreat.
Without hesitation, always up for a new experience, I said, “Sign
me up!” and I was soon introduced to more women blessings via
Julie: Deb Inman, Angie Henshaw, Cindy Whitcomb, Dannette McKellar,
and Sue Hansel to name a few. Each of these women became
instrumental in my healing through prayer, nourishment, sharing of
her own story, listening, and the teaching and loving of my oldest
daughter, the one who was affected the most by the upset of this past
year. Thank you! You have filled me.
Shortly
after the retreat, the call came where I was indeed positive for
invasive tubular cancer. My three-year-old was a few feet from me
when I received the call. I remember the adrenaline racing and my
body entering fight or flight mode. My father had passed five years
previous after a gruesome 11-month battle with cancer, so I had a
first-hand glimpse of what may lie ahead. I had to fight. I had a 3
and 5 yr-old, and they needed more time with their momma. We
scheduled the lumpectomy for the week of Thanksgiving, the one chance
to save my ta ta. Soon after sharing the news, a knock was at my
door. A woman blessing came in, prayed with me, wrapped me in a
prayer shawl, listened, and shared. Before we knew it, the once lit
room in which we were sitting was now dark. Time had passed, tears
were shed, and I felt so much better. Thank you Cindy Whitcomb for
filling me.
One
morning prior to surgery, I awoke thinking the word needs to be
spread about breast cancer; let's turn a negative into positive. I
e-mailed Deb and asked if a Get Pinked Party might be possible. She
replied, “Yes!” and helped turn my impulsive idea into a reality.
Many prayers of thanks for you, Deb, throughout this entire process.
My
Women's Retreat roomie and tennis buddy, Masja LaRue donated a
delicious pink ribbon cake and assisted Mary Kennett, who offered her
hair services for pinking free of charge. This was a welcome
distraction, and I enjoyed every minute of it connecting with more
women blessings of all ages: Tonnie Schalk with her infectious
laugh, whom I had only met a few times, not only jumped in and
started painting nails, but also shared her own story. Thank you,
and thank you to the many other women blessings who were Pinked that
night. Your support filled me.
A
mastectomy was now inevitable, but while Chad and I were listening to
the surgeon explain the skin-sparing procedure and follow-up
treatments, I inquired about a double mastectomy. I did not want to
have radiation and scans every six months. With two squirts, who has
time for repeated doctor visits? The truth is I didn't want to make
the time; instead, I wanted to use my time for authentic life
experiences. I was fully resigned to the fact that this body is
simply a shell, and we can't take it with us. I had witnessed my
father's body shrivel to practically nothing, and it still haunts me
to this day when I visualize it. I didn't want my girls to have to
ever witness this, so I opted for removal of both breasts and
honestly felt relieved about my decision.
My
best friend and woman blessing, Sarah Bohnenstiehl, from the
beginning campaigned for the double mastectomy, and I remember
telling her she was nutty. In the end, though, and as always, I
backtracked and told her she was right. She is always right! When I
bounced worries and concerns off of her, her response was “Cansah
Schmansah!” which became my mantra. The approach to treating
breast cancer is aggressive and swift. One morning it had finally
all sunk in, and I called my BFF crying. Her response, “I'll take
Sissy for the day,” which is exactly what I needed. I needed that
day to myself to let it all out, and I couldn't do that in front of
my children. I am grateful every day for this woman blessing and
work on intentionally letting her know.
As
a further distraction, Deb and Julie wholeheartedly gave me the green
light to go ahead with RUBY Magazine. I was so motivated and so full
after our Women's Retreat I wanted to offer a means to further
facilitate connections between women at Troy UMC. Meeting women at
the retreat I may never have met as well as The Journey Team at
Christ Church was the inspiration. The Bible verse, Proverbs 31:10,
“She knew that she was worth far more than rubies . . .” always a
favorite became the theme of Ruby. Little did I know at the time
that we had our very own little woman blessing, Miss Ruby Price,
right here with us at Troy UMC.
After
a “heavy” forgiveness workshop at the retreat, I was in the food
line talking with a woman from our church. We had this deep
conversation about dysfunctional childhoods and forgiveness not
knowing each other's names or stories. Months later, I ran into this
same woman at church, and she agreed to a RUBY interview. While
talking, she shared how she, too, was a breast cancer warrior and
gave me such hope. Here she was this strong, active, square-dancing
woman. Thank you Sue Hansel for filling me.
After
my surgery in January, women blessings immediately sprang into action
by nourishing my family and myself with delicious meals. . . taking
the time to stamp carrots into star shapes (Masja LaRue) which my
girls loved and delivering pizza in a sleet storm (Amy Burrelsman).
Every evening for six weeks, my whole family looked forward to our
surprise meal with anticipation and then devoured the bounty Thank
you to the women blessings who literally filled me and resulted in at
least a 10 lb weight gain.
In
addition, the notes, e-mails, and texts meant everything to me. Two
women blessings chose to sooth me with cds which had helped each of
them in their own times of need. Thank you Suzanne Price and Heather
Budwell for filling me through music.
In
February, I was hospitalized twice for infections which led to an
unplanned surgery to remove one of my tissue expanders. My girls did
not take this well. So, women blessings again came to the rescue.
Sherri Volz and her boys accompanied Chad and my girls to the tubes
at Mickey D's one Saturday only to care for my diarrhea laden
daughter in the restroom. When I returned home from the hospital,
Sherri asked if I needed anything. I responded, “Boobs!” Little
did I know she would bring me my very own boobs complete with nipples
and a bra in the form of cake. Thank you for filling me and making
me laugh, one of my favorite pastimes.
Between
hospital stays with drains hanging out of my sides and my chest
wrapped in a surgical bra, a woman blessing came to my house on
several occasions complete with hair supplies to at least keep my
hair rockin'. Thank you Miss Mary for filling me.
With
a prosthetic left ta ta to now even me out, infections cleared, and
implantation insertion scheduled, I was anxious to live a full life
again. Having met a woman blessing while volunteering for VBS the
previous year, I looked forward to joining her and other women
blessings in Faithful Fitness by completing two 5Ks with her. Thank
you Beth Miramonti for inviting me to feel whole again and begin work
on losing those 10+ lbs.
In
other aspects of my spiritual life, I was anxious to become involved.
While waiting to speak to a staff member one morning, I decided to
have some private time in the sanctuary. A woman blessing I had seen
at the Women's Retreat, remembered her cute do, but didn't know
entered the sanctuary and asked if I'd like her to pray with me.
Unbeknown to me, I was relieved at her invitation and tears began to
fall as I relayed what was heavy on my heart to this stranger. I had
recently received a text message on Easter morning from a female
blood relative informing me that my breast cancer was God's way of
punishing me. This woman blessing's prayers that morning lifted the
weight bearing down on my heart. Thank you Sue Busler for being
intentional and approaching me. You fill me.
You
are all women blessings, and I thank you for filling me every day.
As a reminder of your ability to nourish families, mend broken
hearts, and evoke laughter, I have a tiny mirror for each of you to
stow away in your coin purse, for example. So, the next time you're
riffling through your purse, perhaps this mirror will be a reminder
of all you are capable of in improving the lives of others and my
everlasting gratitude for each of you, my sisters in Christ.*
*As
a side note, the focus of today was on women blessings. Men
blessings, too, first and foremost my husband, raised me up this past
year, but that talk is for another day.
Courtney Winkler
