TED Talks Club: Self-Definition

They say you can take the girl out of the school, but you can’t take the school out of the girl. So while I am officially on summer break from teaching at Lewis and Clark Community College, I am still thinking about my teaching. This is my first column in Ruby Magazine and I am excited to start a new feature: TED talks club…it’s like a book club without the guilt of having to read an entire book and the ethical dilemma as to whether you can still participate if you’ve only read the first chapter, Cliff notes, or nothing at all. It’s summer after all, so let’s go easy on ourselves.

TED talks combine two of my favorite attributes: they are INSPIRATIONAL and they are FREE. So, just like a good bargain, I’d like to share them with my friends at Ruby.

You’ll want to go to www. Ted.com and look around. If you would like a little background on this amazing site, here is a very brief one:

TED was founded in 1984 as basically a one-time event. In 1990, TED began to meet as a yearly conference (reportedly there’s a 3 year waiting list to simply attend this $3,000 conference). These conferences meet at cool international locations and film the speakers to post on this site so that we can be enriched for free. There are smaller conferences such as TedX which can attract a more local audience…with a shorter waiting list for attendance. I’ve heard that Maryville University is planning one soon.

If you sign up as a free Ted member, you can get weekly emails of new offerings. While most lectures are 20 minutes, they have recently added shorter ones. The first one I would like to watch together has implications for us as women, mothers, and friends and looks at the constant process that we engage in of self-definition. You may have seen it as it was on Facebook in the past and can be found on YouTube here. (Yes, certain Ted talks make it to youtube too, but I encourage you to still visit Ted and look around.)

Then think about these questions:

1. What words do you use to describe yourself?
2. Whose words are those? Yours or those that have been said about you?
3. Do you like the chosen words? How often do you redefine those words?

So that’s enough homework for now. It’s summer after all…enjoy! See you next month with another Ted talk to check out. Ted’s slogan is “Ideas Worth Sharing” so don’t keep it to yourself…pass it on. Cheers.

By Elizabeth Grant

Worst Picture Ever, or the Best?

Using a Digital Camera for the First Time

I know what you are thinking, and the answer is, "No . . . I am not a model."  I am full of joy, though, in the above picture, and to me, this is what matters the most.

This picture was taken over ten years ago by my hub.  We had just bought our first digital camera and laughed until we cried those first few days weeks months of use.  Gratefully, yes gratefully, this pic did not find its way into the "trash bin."  Instead, it has found a safe home in a file on the computer labelled "worst pic evah."  The angle of the photo allows for a full viewing of my double chin, silver childhood fillings, and my "five-pound tongue in a four-pound mouth" as my sleep apnea doctor has explained.  Whenever I stumble upon this picture, I cannot help but laugh.  Then, I usually call the hub over to look as well as my girls so that they can laugh, too.

I can remember being told once in order to take a good picture, one should look at the camera straight on, lean his/her face forward in order to eliminate any double chin, and look up so as to make the eyes appear as large as possible.  I have tried and failed miserably at these suggestions.  Usually, I still discover an aspect of the picture which I find less than flattering . . . a pimple, oily skin, chubby cheeks, and the list continues.  Then, the picture in question usually winds up in the "trash bin."   

While on vacation, I noticed a woman taking a picture of what looked to be her son and husband.  I offered to take the picture for her so that she could be in the photo also.  She replied, "Oh no!  I don't do pictures."  I giggled, replied, "I hear ya!" and kept walking.  

I decided to explore this topic further, so I e-mailed fifty-three women and asked each woman to contribute her worst picture ever.  Seven women responded, five of which sent pictures.  The odds here are definitely not in my favor (Hunger Games) for feedback, but to me, exemplifies the reality of how hard women are on themselves.  

Why?  Why not embrace the joy found in the pictures and the memories the pictures capture?  Instead of viewing the photos with a critical eye, why not a grateful eye?

Song of Solomon 4:7

You are altogether beautiful, my love;  there is no flaw in you.

Thus, I am grateful for these women blessings who agreed to participate, no questions asked, and admire each of these beauties, both inside and out.  The captions and explanations are their own.

Thanks to my lovely Paige!  :)

Summer of 2013 - Well? There is THE worst picture EVER EVER taken of me by a friend.  If that wasn't bad enough, the twist of the knife stuck into my heart when she uploaded it and TAGGED me on Facebook.  I literally cried for weeks!!! Weeks I tell ya!!! I'm not exaggerating!

First, I'm overweight (no secret there), but this picture is just downright unflattering and not a true representation of what I look like. Right? Wait? Was it? IS IT?? Do I have an unrealistic view of myself?  Hmm?  Is that why I'm fat, because I don't really see it? 

Second, as my friend WHY on earth would she post this of me?  Does she secretly hate me? What did I do to make her mad?

Some major soul searching took place after this photo reared its ugly head, and I'm happy to report that we are still friends.  I'll be honest;  we actually haven't talked much since the summer because we are both busy with work, kids, and life in general, BUT I realized something.  I truly believe she doesn't see me like I see me.  Do I think she should have still known better than to post and tag me...YES! But do I fault her for wanting to share a weekend full of fun camping pictures and one just so happened to be a picture of me loving on my son while enjoying a boat ride...NO! 

She captured an ugly, beautiful, and genuine moment and ultimately I learned from it.  Hmm? Maybe I should send her a thank you note?

Nightgown Seduction Gone All Wrong

 

Pre-coffee Me

My Most Flattering Side

By Courtney Winkler
P.S.  If you would like to include your "worst pic evah," it is not too late.  E-mail RUBYMagazineTroyUMC@gmail.com.

G. and I making it fun.

Crazy Hair

Behind the piercings, tattoos, and hair is just an ordinary girl.

I wondered what I looked like when I made this face at my husband.

Child steals iphone.

The Beauty and the Beast

Have you ever felt like you have a war being waged inside your body? Maybe a fuzzy brain some days when you just can’t remember why you walked into a room or dialed a friend? Have you ever felt icy cold and blazing hot at the same time? Do you ever feel like the bathroom scale takes two steps back and three steps forward? Have you ever been so irritable that if you could get away from yourself, you would? Welcome to menopause!

I had a partial hysterectomy in 1999, and it took about a year for me to start having out of body experiences. At first, they were quite subtle. Unusually irritated by other drivers. A writing campaign to the producers of the movie “Message in a Bottle” because Kevin Costner died at the end. I noticed that I was complaining about how warm it was in movie theaters, said no woman ever! Concentration becoming so difficult that it seemed like staticky elevator music in the back of my head.

Then, every little thing annoyed me. I got to the point that I was annoyed at always being annoyed! So, you can imagine how my husband felt. We were in business together at the time this lovely journey began. He tried to be very patient and always had helpful hints at how I could combat such behaviors (she says sarcastically!). He did not quite understand what was going on and longed for the day to have back the woman God gave him so many years before.

I went to doctors, nutritionists and pastors seeking guidance. I spoke with other women who had already gone through this exciting period of time and the best advice they gave me was…just live through it. I prayed that God would give me the wisdom He talks about the older women having because I thought that might be a perk to all this ugliness. My husband told me that maybe I wasn’t old enough (I was 39) to get the wisdom God speaks of. Maybe I had to work a little harder at the “living through it” part, then I would be old enough for wisdom.

Well, have heart fellow menopausal women! It does get better with age, or maybe your brain just gets fuzzier so that you don’t remember so much about it. As far as the “wisdom” thing goes, I must have gained some wisdom because I have decided “living through it” isn’t so bad. 

By Pat Schwieder