Never Judge a Book by Its Cover

          

          Years ago, in one of my former lives, I was a hairdresser and had a shop in my home. It was a great job to work around my small children’s schedules and be available for them after school. It is not so easy to have a business in your home, however. In fact, it is very intrusive.

           I was concerned that not many people would be interested in coming to a beauty shop in my basement. In the beginning, it was not a walkout basement. My clients had to walk through my home to come to the basement.

           I was very blessed to have been in a church with the school my children attended and the majority of the staff for the school and church were my clients.

           One day I got a call from a woman, whom I had known in several capacities, to cut her hair. I was a little surprised to hear from her because I had been in business for about 8 years by then and this was her first time to call me. She had really long hair so I assumed she just didn’t go to the beauty shop often. I made an appointment for her with little conversation.

           The first time I saw Sharon was in the backyard of my in-laws home with a shotgun in her hand. Her husband wasn’t far behind her also with a shotgun. I was quite alarmed and called my father-in-law to the window I was looking out and asked if he knew them. He grunted a barely audible “yes” and went out to the backyard to inquire as to why these people were in his yard with shotguns. Everyone along that road had at least 3 acres, and everyone knew one other.

           My father-in-law came back into the house and said they were looking for their dog they believed to have been bitten by a rabid raccoon, and they wanted to put him down. The couple came into the house, and no one ever came into my mother-in- law’s home without eating homemade cinnamon bread and drinking a cup of coffee, so they stayed for a while. My father-in- law referred to them as the neighborhood hippies.

           The next time I saw Sharon was in a women’s Bible study I was leading. Since it was the first class of the season and after school summer break, I thought everyone should introduce herself and comment about why she was there. When it was Sharon’s turn, she waved me off, and I did not want to put her on the spot so I nodded to the next lady. Sharon then interrupted and said that the reason she was there was because her daughter was in the first grade and had been asked to a birthday party from people she did not know. She stated that she didn’t especially like people, mostly women, but felt like she needed to learn how to be more social for her daughter’s sake. She thought a women’s Bible study might be a good start. You could hear a pin drop!

           I saw Sharon around church and the school, and periodically around my in-laws neighborhood but did not have much social contact with her after that class was over. I did notice that she was volunteering more and became more visible over the next five years.

           Five years later, the appointment for a haircut came. Her husband drove her and came in with her, but she told him to go sit around the corner while she got her hair cut. He did as told. She instructed me to braid her waist-length hair and cut next to the scalp. I did as requested. She purposefully then turned the chair around to face me and away from the mirror and took the braid from my hand. She then handed me the clippers sitting on the roll- about next to her and said she wanted me to shave her head. I was motionless and speechless, which almost never happens.

           When I could regain my composure, I finally asked why she wanted a shaved head. She explained to me that she was just diagnosed with breast cancer and did not want to watch her hair fall out in clumps. I had no idea of this diagnosis. My mind raced with so many questions, but I was not sure what would be acceptable based on our limited relationship.

           We spent several minutes in silence, and as I wiped back tears, I slowly and gently placed the clippers on her scalp and drew back one row at a time leaving little black pin dots on her scalp where long, thick, healthy, coal black hair once was.

  So many things raced through my mind. The last few years had been spent in many classes at the church and parenting classes so she could make good on her promise to her daughter to become more social.

She turned to look at me and must have sensed the many questions and gave me permission to ask what I wanted. As I sorted through the many, the main question I wanted to ask her was about how her faith was holding up during this rough storm. She said words to me 25 years ago that I will never forget. She said, “I believe that I am merely a lump of coal, and this is just one more way God can use to polish me up into a shiny, beautiful diamond!”

Sharon honored her daughter by being a great example of what God can do with a dirty, dusty, black lump of coal. For the next three years, you could see the shining, clear glow of a diamond in the rough.

By Pat Schwieder 

Save the State with Retakes

Sad to say, I am one of "those" women who hate pictures of herself, but I have gotten better over the years. About five years ago, my daughters pointed out that there was about a ten year gap in pictures of me, and they didn't like that. When I'm dead and gone, they want to be able to remember what I look like at each age, apparently. So, I have gotten much better about even requesting my picture being taken with one of them.

However, I just got my driver's license renewed on March 10th, and actually I have never minded my picture-until this year. For some reason, my hair looked blown up on the right side of my head, and I was looking down at something which clearly showed my multiple chins. I asked the guy right there and then to re-take it, and he said that is not policy. My birthday was March 13th, three days later, and I had to show my license at Target where I bought a box of wine. The lady looking at my driver's license said, "Wow, you have really lost weight since this picture!" I explained it was three days ago.

The next day I went to the DMV to get my picture re-taken and was willing to pay the $30. The lady behind the counter told me it was against policy. Really? I was willing to give them another $30. She said if they did it for me, every other woman would want a re-take of her picture. I said that would be great! This state is near bankruptcy, so why not?

My daughters told me that if I were ever in an accident where my wallet was not with my body, the authorities would never be able to identify me. I have lied about my height, weight and hair color for thirty years, and they have never questioned that!

By Pat Schwieder

The Reluctant Recipient

        Have you ever been in your car alone, received good news and look around to realize you have no one to share it with? That happened to me a few weeks ago as I was driving through Panera. I had a mammogram that was questionable and a week later had to have another one and an ultrasound. The nurse called me on my cell phone to tell me everything was normal and I was elated.

         I always listen to a radio station that advocates sharing “JOY” with someone which also happens to be their call letters. I had not done that in quite awhile, and since I had no one to tell the good news to, I wanted to pay for the car behind me and share my joy. When I got to the window, I told the young lady asking for my Panera card that I also wanted to pay for the car behind me. She looked at me like a puppy hearing a high-pitched noise. She said, “Oh, you know her, right?” I explained to her that I had just received some good news and I wanted to do something nice for someone else and share my joy. Again, apparently, the high-pitched noise. She finally gave me the combined totals, and I handed her the money.

         I slowly pulled away checking my bag with my lunch. I heard a lot of honking behind me and looked in my rearview mirror to see the car whose lunch I paid for, waving out the window and laying on the horn. I was getting embarrassed because I was thinking she wanted to thank me and that was not why I did it. So, I pulled over in front of Dobbs, and the lady pulled behind me and got out of her car. I was trying to practice my most humble, “Oh, it was nothing” when I realized by her body language on the way to my car she was mad! Really mad! As my Granny would say, "Madder than a wet hen!" I tried only to roll down my window halfway until I could feel her out, but I’m not sure electric windows do that.

         She leaned her head in my window and was yelling at me, “You don’t know me! Who do you think you are buying my lunch? I didn’t ask you to buy me a $%$#@ thing! Now you think I owe you something?” My head was spinning. No way I expected this. When I get nervous, I have a tendency to ramble. So, I was trying to explain I had a bad mammogram, my husband has cancer, it’s really bad timing, but is there ever good timing for a bad mammogram, I just had another mammogram earlier that morning and an ultrasound, the nurse called while I was in the car, I saw her car, I listen to JOY FM radio, they say you should “Joy” someone and I did, didn’t you notice the pink sticker on the back of my car, she happened to be the car behind me at the time I decided to “joy” someone and no I don’t know her, but God knows her and no I don’t expect anything in return, that never occurred to me. Wheww!

         All of a sudden, I hear someone knocking on my passenger window. It was one of the guys from Dobbs. He wanted to know if I was okay. I looked at the lady leaning in my window and asked, “Am I okay?” She had a hint of a smile and told me I was okay. I turned to the Dobbs gentleman and assured him I would be fine.

         The “Joyed” lady asked me again if I thought she owed me anything. I tried in a more calm less rambling mode, to explain to her how blessed I am and I pray she is blessed as well. She backed away a little from my car and was a little misty eyed when she said, “No one, no one has ever given me anything they did not expect something in return.” Before I knew it, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I told her I would pray for her and that the only thing God wants from her is devotion. I asked her if she had a church, and she said it had been a few years since she had been in a church. I told her that my husband and I would love to have her go to church with us. She backed away a little more and pointed her finger at me. She had a reluctant smile as she said, “You’re okay, lady!”

She tapped the back of my car as she headed back to hers. I don’t know if she was touching the sticker or giving me the signal to leave. I sat in my car not moving for a minute trying to take it all in. I had a feeling someone was looking at me and realized the Dobbs guy was still standing there. I rolled the window down and told him I was fine and thanked him for being concerned. I started to explain to him what had transpired, and he waved at me and told me to have a good day. He must have sensed my ability to ramble.

The thing the Lord taught me in this encounter is that you never know what hurt may be going on in someone else’s life and how you can be the vessel to pour out His love. I will probably never see that woman again, but I have prayed for her consistently and God knows who she is. That’s all that really matters.

By Pat Schwieder

Pray and Spray

I have the honor and privilege to hang out with my two grandchildren, ages three and four, at least two days a week. I pick them up from pre-school on Wednesdays and get to witness first-hand the petri dish they dwell in while there. Not one child there is without a snotty nose and exercises their right to wipe it…well, wherever they feel like it. The teachers do their best at making them wash their hands and continually sanitize surfaces, but there is only so much they can do. This is, after all, cold and flu season!

So, when the kids get a cold it gets passed around from one another to my husband, myself, my daughter (their mother) and their father and usually back around again before it’s over with. The day after Christmas, we all got the flu and it took about twelve days to get to a place where we felt anywhere near normal.

By day seven, I still didn’t feel very well but was terribly annoyed and bored with the whole thing. I kept praying that we all would start feeling better sooner than later. It was my daughter’s Christmas break and my husband always has the time between Christmas and New Year’s off so we could take a mini vacation, but that did not work out this year.

Once I started to feel a little better, I tried to get back into my devotions but got online looking at websites with home remedies from around the world. I saw anything from live leaches to rotten cabbage as sure fire ways to get over colds and rebuild your immune system. I went to Walgreen’s and bought Lysol wipes, Lysol spray, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer in the giant economy size and 6 boxes of Vick’s scented Puffs. I got a funny look from the lady behind the counter and explained I was waging war against germs. She wished me luck.

Every time my poor husband coughed or sneezed, I sprayed Lysol. I wiped down all door handles, light switches and anything we both might touch. I started to feel better before he did so as not to relay those germs again, I had him set up with Vitamin C lozenges, chicken broth, Echinacea nose spray and anti-bacterial wipes for his hands. Between me and his cold, my husband was starting to lose his sense of humor.

When we lived in Texas, we had a family doctor that would tell us, when we had colds, that she could give us an antibiotic and it we would get well in about 7 days, or we could eat chicken broth and get well in about a week. I think next cold and flu season, I will stick with pray and spray!

By Pat Schwieder

Becoming the Woman God Designed You to Be*

“..lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Ephesians 22-24

1. Are you a Sunday woman every day?
2. Are you shaped by who the World tells you to be, or shaped by who God tells you in His Holy Word?
3. Do you have any one in your life who has the ability to make you feel bad or good about yourself?
4. What are some influences that affect how we see ourselves?

1. What influences can affect our relationships?
2. How can we resist the influences of the World and surrender our time and money to God?

5. How well do you know you?
6. Ask God what He has planned for your life/your day…do this every day because He has created each day as a new beginning to fulfill the wonderful things He has in store for you. We all are a work in progress.
7. Invest in yourself…spiritually, emotionally, socially and physically so you can be the best you can be to serve God the way He wants you to serve Him.
8. Invest in others…learn to relate to others, be open with them about your faith but in a humble way so as not to push them away. As you learn more about who God designed you to be, you will be better equipped to relate to others in the way God wired you to be the most effective.
9. Replace lies you have believed about yourself with the truths only found in scripture.
10. When having a conversation, ask yourself if the intent of what you have to say is about love and respect. Are you building up or tearing down?

 Walk your talk.

 Pray for others as you promised them you would.

 Be positive and add value to every conversation you have.

 Don’t hesitate when God is calling you to do something.

 Communicate better by expanding your vocabulary.

 Stop complaining.

 Trust in God’s plans instead of relying on yourself.

 BELIEVE what God says about you!

BE the woman God designed you to be!

Presented by:

Pat Schwieder
schwieder@hometel.com

Contributor to Ruby Magazine
RUBYMagazineTroyUMC.blogspot.com

*Attached is the handout I will give to the ladies at the Women's Day of Renewal on Saturday. It has been a good reminder for myself to look for ways God designed me for His use.

Why?

Solve Problems with One Word

Submitted by Pat Schwieder, "This is a blog from Dr. Melanie Wilson. She was the first speaker for the Women's Day of Renewal 14 years ago. I love this concept of asking yourself "why" 5 times when you have a conundrum."

The Beauty and the Beast

Have you ever felt like you have a war being waged inside your body? Maybe a fuzzy brain some days when you just can’t remember why you walked into a room or dialed a friend? Have you ever felt icy cold and blazing hot at the same time? Do you ever feel like the bathroom scale takes two steps back and three steps forward? Have you ever been so irritable that if you could get away from yourself, you would? Welcome to menopause!

I had a partial hysterectomy in 1999, and it took about a year for me to start having out of body experiences. At first, they were quite subtle. Unusually irritated by other drivers. A writing campaign to the producers of the movie “Message in a Bottle” because Kevin Costner died at the end. I noticed that I was complaining about how warm it was in movie theaters, said no woman ever! Concentration becoming so difficult that it seemed like staticky elevator music in the back of my head.

Then, every little thing annoyed me. I got to the point that I was annoyed at always being annoyed! So, you can imagine how my husband felt. We were in business together at the time this lovely journey began. He tried to be very patient and always had helpful hints at how I could combat such behaviors (she says sarcastically!). He did not quite understand what was going on and longed for the day to have back the woman God gave him so many years before.

I went to doctors, nutritionists and pastors seeking guidance. I spoke with other women who had already gone through this exciting period of time and the best advice they gave me was…just live through it. I prayed that God would give me the wisdom He talks about the older women having because I thought that might be a perk to all this ugliness. My husband told me that maybe I wasn’t old enough (I was 39) to get the wisdom God speaks of. Maybe I had to work a little harder at the “living through it” part, then I would be old enough for wisdom.

Well, have heart fellow menopausal women! It does get better with age, or maybe your brain just gets fuzzier so that you don’t remember so much about it. As far as the “wisdom” thing goes, I must have gained some wisdom because I have decided “living through it” isn’t so bad. 

By Pat Schwieder 

Becoming the Woman God Designed You to Be

My daughters always tease me about never using recipes when I cook. I’m not crazy about reading directions and recipes are directions. I don’t like using a pattern when I sew either. It takes too much time to cut it out and read it. And then there’s the measuring…oy the math!

It has taken me a long time to realize that God has a recipe for my life. He already decided who I am and who I will be as I grow older. I really want to be on that same page of the recipe that He is, but I can’t be if I don’t read the directions and pray about it. He has an entire book to help us lead our lives and become the women He has designed us to be. 

 

Every day, part of my daily prayer is that God will reveal more to me about becoming the woman He designed me to be. Some days I am so busy being the woman I think I should be, or my sinful nature takes over and I am who the World wants me to be that I don’t hear Him. Also, I should stop telling Him how to do his job while I am praying. He does a pretty good job at His job without my help.

Sometimes it is hard to know how to pray to Him effectively so I’m not just rambling about what I want and how I want it. God gave us a simple recipe for effective prayer. I decided to really put the emphasis on Him when I pray it, like this:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power

And the glory.

Forever and ever.

Amen!

Please join me at the Women’s Day of Renewal 

at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Collinsville on March 7-8^th as we explore 

“Becoming The Woman God Designed You To Be.”

By Pat Schwieder

Everything Happens for a Season . . .

My husband and I were driving down the road the other day and passed a church that had this message on their marquis: “Everything Happens For A Reason.” I repeated that several times and thought that was a little clichéd for a church sign. Obviously “everything happens for a reason!” I know that God has a reason for everything that goes on in this world and they are not always reasons we understand or are supposed to understand.

But, then it occurred to me, as I investigate my own current season that “everything happens for a season.” Just as we experience fall before turning into winter, and see the many environmental changes that take place, we know that it is all temporary. After winter, we will see the emergence of spring with beautiful, vivid colors and lots of flowers blooming. Then comes the heat of summer, then the crispness of fall once again. It’s all temporary and ever-changing.

There is a comforting hope in knowing that we have seasons of our lives. Periods of time that are temporary. Of course we want the good times of life to last forever and the bad times to go quickly. That is human nature.

When Jerry and I got married, I wanted our honeymoon to last forever. When I gave birth to each of our girls, I wanted the awesomeness of those moments to last forever. The first time we had to visit the emergency room with our child, I wanted it over as quickly as possible.

When our girls were babies, I thought that I may never have a life of my own again. Then, before I knew it, they were off to college and I had more time to myself than I could bear. I missed them terribly. I had to re-invent myself. Now I see those times as some of my seasons of life.

We are told in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 of the New International Version:

¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:

²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷A time to tear apart, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak;

⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I have come to the point in my life that I have learned to embrace the seasons of my life. I am very blessed to be in a season where I get to wake up every day to a wonderful husband, spend quality time with my grandchildren, still have a trick or two to teach my daughters and wait in anticipation to see where I can serve the Lord.

Everything does happen for a reason…. and a season!

By Pat Schwieder