I
love where I live…the schools, parks, shops, restaurants, trails,
our church; it’s a wonderful place to live and raise my child. Can
you hear the “but” coming? But, there is a downside. I have
found that perfectionism is pervasive and I have struggled with my
own insecurities when faced with such perfection. We can all describe
the perfect mom…her meals are always home cooked, her children
beautifully dressed, coifed, and well behaved. She actually MAKES
the crafts she has pinned on Pinterest. She never loses her cool and
everywhere she goes, she arrives on time. That’s a lot of pressure
for a single mom who is perpetually late and at best makes 5 out of 7
dinners a week!
While
I was at the Hearts At Home 2014 conference, I attended a workshop
called “Successful Parenting or Faithful Parenting”, and the
presenter, LeslieLeyland Fields, started by having us describe the perfect mom and
then shared how she started out striving to be the perfect mom and
after several years was ready to give up, seriously just walk away
from her life. She challenged us to “lay down the impossible
mother-load of guilt, pride, failure, and fear” and helped us
debunk some parenting myths like successful parenting will lead to
Godly children and that nurturing your children will always feel
natural. She reminded us that even though Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start
children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old
they will not turn from it,” that Proverbs
is not an instructional manual or a promise but rather observations
on life. And striving for perfection doesn’t mean that my kiddo
will turn out perfect or that I will impart lasting faith in her. If
anything, I could really mess up His plans for her! Leslie reminded
us of Ezekial 2:5 when the Lord said to Ezekial, “…whether they
listen or not… they will know that a prophet has been among them.”
I need to live my life knowing God’s love and out of that love,
love my child. I don’t need to be perfect but it’s hard when in
the face of seeming perfection.
Leslie’s
workshop reminded me about a blog post I read last year called Quit
Pointing Your Avocado At Me in
which the blogger, Glennon Melton,
shares her struggles competing with perfect mommies before realizing
that the mompetition is in her mind and “Everybody's just doing the
best she can, mostly.” My insecurities are my own and my
perceptions of others’ perfection are my own too. Most of us are
familiar with the adage, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is
fighting a hard battle.” Glennon adds, “Including you.” I
don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. The mom who
coordinates her daughter’s hairbows to match each day may be
hiding depression. The mom who brags hourly about her sons on
facebook may have struggled with infertility. The family happily
playing together at the park may be overwhelmed with debt.
Leslie, Glennon, and all of the amazing
speakers
at Hearts At Home 2014 reminded me that I am who I am supposed to be.
I shouldn’t try to be perfect and in fact, when I show up late and
messy and imperfect, I give others around me permission
to do the same. I am showing up to my life in a wonderfully
imperfect way and each day I am trying to be authentic and genuine
and love my daughter…and sometimes my voice will raise or bath
night will be pushed another day or homework will be forgotten and
that’s ok. I thought I had to be the best, most perfect mom to
have a happy kid but it turns out I just have to be the okayest.
By Sarah Kirkpatrick
No comments:
Post a Comment